


|Happiness|

by Astronut



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Dark, Gen, Not Happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 16:10:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20567174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astronut/pseuds/Astronut
Summary: Remus Lupin accepts an offer.  A look at the consequences.





	|Happiness|

**Author's Note:**

> Please do not repost without permission.

|Happiness|

_September 1991_

Remus watched as a dozen apprehensive children quietly filed into the Great Hall, each watching the head table with rapt attention. There were fewer faces this year and those that were present wore the familiar features of the ancient wizarding bloodlines. Black, Bones, Longbottom, Macmillan. He could not keep himself from comparing this solemn line to his own raucous sorting ceremony years ago. Remus quickly shoved the happy memories of a barking laugh, the ruffling of hair, and a gentle reassuring hand back into the small corner of his mind that howled and screamed night and day, except during the blissful emptiness of the full moon. 

Deputy Headmaster Severus Snape began reading off the names of the new students, directing each student to the appropriate table. The Houses of Hogwarts had been dissolved in favor of tiered tables, allowing the students to see their status in the hierarchy of the magical world. Remus watched quietly as ‘Malfoy, Draco’ and ‘Parkinson, Pansy’ was directed to the table on the tier closest to the head table while ‘Patil, Padma’, ‘Turpin, Lisa’, and ‘Weasley, Ronald’ were directed to the lowest and furthest. After Snape announced the final student, ‘Zabini, Blaise’, Remus sighed at the depressingly small student body and directed his attention to Headmaster Karkaroff as he numerated the various rules of the school. Every year the list grew longer even as the student body grew smaller. He wondered one day if the magical world would just cease to exist. Some days, he hoped so and wished that it would hurry up about it. 

The food had not changed, the same roasts and puddings that had made such good projectiles in his youth, but on days like this, it tasted like ash. But even ash was preferable to the taste of blood, his bitter sustenance once a month. The children all dug in as he picked at his food, halfheartedly listening to the vacuous conversation between his colleagues, Professors Carrow and Carrow. His mind drifted, thinking of inane conversations on sunny days, a snitch darting about, and the laughter of four friends. Brothers. Just like Cain and Able, it had ended in tragedy, leaving the survivors to walk the Earth, marked and alone. How many of these children would know such friendship? How many would learn the price of brotherhood? 

Remus could not spare the time for such pointless speculation. His choice had been made, now he could only move forward. There were classes to teach and children to guide. Assignments to complete and orders to be followed. He watched as the children departed the feast, sleepy smiles on their faces as they tumbled off to bed. Early tomorrow morning he would have the honor of teaching the first years the levitating charms, just as he had been taught long ago. As always, the thought both thrilled and repulsed him. Poor Professor Flitwick had rejected the Lord’s offer of friendship and his place had been Remus’ reward. His constant reminder of what happened to uncooperative half-breeds. 

The Lord had been good to Remus after Peter had introduced him that dark day. He had known of Remus’ woes and had listened patiently to Remus’ concerns. And then he had done something surprising. He had asked for Remus’ help. Peter had told him that the Lord would appreciate the talented wizard despite his disease but it hadn’t been until that moment that Remus had believed him. And with every small task completed, every lineage researched, every werewolf spoken with, the Lord had been grateful. Small tokens such as a steady job tutoring pureblooded children in dueling, invitations to society events, and Greyback’s death had indebted Remus to the Lord but he carried the debt willingly. 

It wasn’t until the day James Potter had been found dead in his bed that he’d questioned his loyalty to the friends that finally treated him as someone to be trusted instead of scorned. Unfortunately, he hadn’t had more than a day to rethink his decision when Sirius Black had shown up on his doorstep, driven to drunken recklessness by James’ death. The battle had been short but nasty and when the dust settled and Sirius’ blood dripped steadily down the storm drain, he had known he had made the correct choice. 

He still felt the repercussions of that night. Although the Lord had been pleased and had rewarded him with both a position at Hogwarts and a special dispensation to marry whomever he chose, his parents had stopped speaking to him. And Peter, his best friend, the only one that had stood by him, helped him, and protected him, looked at him with new eyes. Peter had long been the one person Remus could fully trust but now whenever they saw each other, Remus could see the same evaluating looks that Sirius had once used. Peter no longer trusted Remus. He was afraid of him. But that was no matter. Remus had new friends. Friends that recognized his talents and loyalty and did see the wolf as something to be feared but as an asset to be utilized. 

Breaking away from his thoughts, Remus found he had wandered back to his own quarters. Hesitantly, he quietly opened the door and lit his wand with a soft light. His papers remained neatly on his desk, books stacked on the floor and chair. His robes for tomorrow hung neatly on the wardrobe door. His wife lay curled up on the far side of bed, her back to him. She did not move or acknowledge his presence but he knew she was awake. He sighed and prepared for bed. Classes would come soon enough and he needed sleep. With the way his mind was wandering tonight, he doubted he’d get it. 

Climbing into bed, he kissed his wife chastely on her dull red hair. She didn’t respond, just continued her blank faced study of the wall, her eyes lifeless. She hadn’t been the same since she’d lost the baby. She hadn’t been the same since her lover had died. 

Remus had done what he could for her. His marriage dispensation had not been able to stop the Lord from killing the love of his life, but it had saved the only other woman he had ever cared for. Although she would never love him again, he felt compelled to protect the last relic of his carefree school days. He stroked her hair, the only touch he allowed himself, and told her about the welcoming feast and the students he would soon be teaching. He told her that better days were coming and that soon the world would once again be at peace and that he was happy and someday she’d be happy again. And maybe someday the time would be right for them to have a child of their own. Eventually, he drifted off to sleep, not noticing the tears gently flowing from Lily’s eyes. 

He had a family. He was respected. He had a career. He had friends. 

He was happy. 

If you could call it happiness. 


End file.
